I sat down with a zombie named Robert who had been dead for almost four years. After a zombie outbreak, Robert tried to flee his hometown, but he was overtaken by zombies who turned him into one of their own. Robert has largely been able to maintain his intelligence throughout the experience, but his speech center of the brain was damaged. However, Robert is able to write answers to questions on a piece of paper, and this method allowed me to conduct an interview. This was the interview that followed.
KM: Robert, you've written that zombies are misunderstood. How?
RZ: People think that we violent killing machines who crave brain, but people attack first. Just start shooting. We defend ourselves. No one give us food or allow us near healthy stuff. Yes, we eat brains and flesh. Brains are yummy. We like brains.
KM: Interesting. Doesn't turning more people into zombies exacerbate this problem? You now have more competition.
RZ: I guess. It like having kids. Some zombie want them and other don't. Turning someone like have kid except they independent.
KM: That seems a bit reckless.
RZ: We reckless? How minorities? No different from them.
KM: Their children don't turn people into the living dead.
RZ: Some zombie was minority. As skin become pale, they become better people. They raise better kids.
KM: Are you saying that zombies are better parents as zombies? How is that possible?
RZ: No, saying that they better parents because they white now.
KM: Wait, wait, zombies are better because they're white?
RZ: Look at my skin. No get any whiter, and never been better person except eating brain.
KM: That sounds incredibly racist. I just hope that's clear.
RZ: We may eat brains, but we're better than darkies. That fact.
At this point, Robert lunged at me. I was able to dodge and escape from the building, but a group had followed us there. Authorities soon arrived, and Robert died from a gunshot wound to the head, moments later. I guess the zombie white supremicist has a long way to go.
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